My name is Leslie Conder and I am a FEMINIST. Just saying that makes me feel a little bit like a hypocrite. Some days I feel like I am working more for the woman's cause than others. Maybe I'm more of a FeMiNiSt.
I grew up in a house with a single mother raising 6 children by herself, no help from child-support and definitely no help from welfare. I use the word definitely because my mom is a very stubborn woman who doesn't like handouts and can do everything by herself, for herself and her children. My mom had to work a lot to provide her children with the bare necessities. She taught me how to be a hard working, self-sufficient woman.
When I was around 13 my grandmother came to live with us. My mom wanted to watch over my grandmother in her old age and figured it would be great to have the extra eyes and ears around the house. I had been cooking my own food on the stove since I was probably 4, and inside of the oven probably around 6. I started making the Sunday family dinners around the age of 9. Although I was the youngest I knew that meal would never be cooked if I didn't make it myself.
When my grandmother moved in I started experimenting with cookbooks and cooking whatever looked the best in the pictures. I remember one evening after I made Swedish Steaks my grandmother told me that I was going to make some husband a very good housewife. I smiled and felt very good about myself and my future.
I remember hearing the word feminist for the first time when I was in Junior High. Some Gothic looking girl walked by, and somebody made the remark that she was a feminist. My girlfriend said the word feminist as if it was the equivalent to the word Bitch (which sadly no longer holds the strong negative connotations for me as it once had). I asked her what a feminist was and she said it is a Nazi lesbian who hates men. I new from that moment on that I never wanted to be a feminist because I hated Nazi's and I loved men.
When my older sister came home a couple of years later, looking somewhat identical to the girl I had seen at school I asked her if she was a feminist. She said of course I am. I questioned how she could have a boyfriend then. She then gave me my first lesson on feminism. I needed to know more and so when I started at college I enrolled in my first Women's Studies class. I learned something that I had already known, but it seemed new, the epiphany I had was this, "with knowledge comes great responsibility, and even more than that, great accountability".
I'm on a journey an exploration of myself and the world around me. I realize that I am going on this journey late in life, I am 27 after all. I am trying to figure out what feminism is and if I really am a feminist? How did I grow up with 2 very strong women to look up to and never once hear of Gloria Steinem? I am trying to find out why women fought for equal rights for themselves and future generations including my generation. I am trying to figure out how these women who fought for equal rights became demonized? Why when I was growing up did no girls except for the "out casts" want to be known as feminists? Can feminists have bad self images? Does knowing who you are mean that you have to put yourself into a certain category? Can feminism be defined? Does sex and sexuality have anything to do with feminism and/or female liberation? Can feminism even be defined? There are more questions to be asked and answered?
If anyone wants to contribute or offer up any answers to these questions I would love to hear from you. Any stories that you would like to add about your own personal journey to becoming a feminist will help me, I have no doubt, on my journey.
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7 comments:
Leslie,
I am so glad to know these things about you. I was also raised in a single parent home from the age of eight so I know what a strong mother, and a strong woman is. I also think the word feminist has lost its positive strength in the mainstream and it is time we take it back!
To this day the idea of feminism eludes me. I am unsure whether it is from lack of understanding what the word truly means today or the inability to link it concretely to my life so far.
I grew up on a 2200 acre farm in a rural community where my closest neighbor was almost a half an hour drive away. Although my family was small (my parents, my brother and I) my earliest memories include what most would consider today “masculine” jobs. These included driving tractors, four wheelers, fishing, riding my dirt bike, and training my quarter horses for barrel racing (a rodeo event that I did competitively).
My parents were uncomplicated people, whose morals and values were the foundation I have grown to build my life around. These include living simply, remaining unbiased, having an open heart and mind, and giving everyone in the family equal respect and love. The concept of feminism was not a topic that was discussed at home, nor was the subject brought up in the high school setting. Although I experienced inequalities between myself and those of the opposite sex I always viewed them logically as differences in physical stature or personal limitations rather than as discrimination.
In college during a sociology class I had a teacher who was self proclaimed as a “true feminist.” This woman spent most classes discussing the ways in which she, as a woman had been mistreated, disregarded, and overlooked solely because of her gender. Having been raised with the understanding of my own personal capabilities, the stories she told were received by a very unconvinced audience. One in particular stood out when she discussed her unsuccessful attempts to try out to be a firefighter. She did not pass the physical tests (which she felt were biased towards the male population) and was upset because she as a minority was overlooked. I did not understand how this related to feminism. In my mind if you can not lift someone out of a burning building then you should not become a firefighter. I did not view this as a breach of her rights as a woman but instead a logical answer to her abilities to do the job.
I feel that these days feminism is demonized due to people using the word to defend their stance in situations where it does not apply. I see people using the word feminism to attempt to demonstrate supremacy of their own over the opposite sex. Feminism I feel was not established for women to base their self confidence on but instead to provide equality and respect for woman in today’s society. Self confidence and a feeling of self worth are based on the relationships one has with themselves and those of the opposite sex. Self exploration and growth as well as building strong connections with men based on respect, communication, and love will therefore strengthen the woman within. One must look inward to discover who they are as a person in order to positively influence change. You must value yourself in order to be valued, and the same goes for respect.
Feminism to me gives us as women the opportunity to equal rights, opportunities, privileges, and an equal chance to be successful in life while treating everyone with respect and dignity. It is because of this I do not feel my confidence stems from my gender alone, but in combination with who I am as a person, due to the opportunities these women have made possible for me many years ago. So the question on my mind Leslie is: Am I a feminist???
Thanks, Leslie, for starting this discussion! I feel like I have more questions in my mind about feminism than answers, so maybe I'll be able to share more insight after I read more comments and do more thinking.
Like Leslie and Laura, I was raised by an incredibly strong and resilient single mother. I grew up always believing that I could do or be anything I wanted, regardless of gender.
The thing I think about the most related to feminism is how LDS men view women's roles--especially in our generation. It seems like there are a lot of young LDS men who (perhaps as a result of the feminist movement) expect women to be ambitious and driven, but then also (perhaps in response to the teachings of the church) expect women to be willing to give up careers and ambitions the second they say "I do." It seems like a strange double-standard that I've spent lots of time trying to reconcile in my mind. Does anyone else feel the same way?
Okay, I've tried to write this comment several times now. I feel like I am just rambling on and on with no point. I guess I will just try to summarize my thoughts. I recognize and appreciate that women's rights have come along way since the beginning of feminism. I think we have achieved fairness and equality for the most part. There are still problems (such as getting a fair deal from a mechanic), but they are the exception, not the rule. I think that there are women that have taken feminism too far, though. When I was in college, a feminist speaker came and I went and listened to her. I came away feeling sorry for her. She was more of a sexist than any man I had ever met. Should feminism really be about turning the tables on men and making them the weaker sex? Or turning them into villians? I feel that I am a feminist in my own way. I am all for fair treatment. My feathers get ruffled when I hear a sexist comment. But I also think feminism should be about celebrating women. We are different from men and we should celebrate that difference. Not that we should say we are better than men, but just different. There are things that women can't do that men can. Also, there are things that women can do that men can't. Why can't we just accept that and encourage women to stand up and be their true potential. We are strong and beautiful. We can become just about anything we want to, that includes being a mom. As a full time mom, there are times that I have felt looked down on because I have chosen a more "traditional" job. I don't think that feminism should be soully about women out in the work force. My job is tough and doesn't end at 5pm. I still deserve respect for what I have chosen to become. Feminism worked so hard for fairness in the work place, that now women who are full time moms are viewed as weak or lazy and that is not right. I repeat, feminism should be about the celebration of women, all women, and our capabilities and talents. I am woman, hear me roar!
Alissa
i'll think of a good comment to write, i promise. for now (if you have time) i recommend reading Where the Girls Are: Growing Up Female With the Mass Media by Susan J. Douglass. (Susan Douglass has also come as a guest speaker to the U before.) It's a really fast easy read but insightful and empowering, and certainly not in the outdated "man hater" stereotype left in public discourse post 60s that still haunts "the F word".
Leslie I will try to find a bell hooks essay I have about problems with the word "Feminism" and all the cultural baggage it now has. Its short and I think you'd like it.
Also, an interesting note for Mandy: Bust Magazine (feminist magazine that i love) June/July 2007 issue with (Chloe Sevigny on the cover) sports an article about LDS women feminists and there are all sorts of blogs and networks for these women (and some men) to get together and discuss their opinions and feelings. I'm sure that you could find it on back order or archived somewhere. It's a very interesting article.
for Matt and Alissa (Leslie, you did want to start discussions on here yes?): I would say that feminism has moved from the first and second wave into a new third wave that is going on right now. One that focuses much less on women empowerment and more on gender equality, which, it turns out, (i feel like) has become all about the boys. letting boys be okay with being effeminate or gentle, without the pressure to be "macho" and to play sports etc. I see it as moving away from gender inequality as sex vs. sex, male vs. female, and moving into a space where it's okay to disengage oneself from gender conformity to stereotype. freedom to be what is most "natural" for you, whether you are male or female. Any thoughts?
Leslie and my other fellow bloggers, I love talking about feminism and hearing what my peers believe about this loaded word. Feminism, to me, is being able to have the ability and choice to live authentically chosen lives - the lives we were born to live. It's not about man hating, bra burning, or lesbianism. It was never meant to be, though the media has skewed the reality of the feminism movement. I am a graduate student who is an active Latter-day Saint. I am also a feminist, and I believe those two identities fit perfectly together. I hear more uplifting, inspiring, empowering messages about what it means to be a woman within the gospel of the LDS religion than I have ever heard before. Christ was, in fact, the first public champion of women! At a time when women were not even spoken to in public, Christ loved and cared for the adultress, the Samaritan woman at the well, and his best friends were women who were the first to see him resurrected and his mourners at the cross.
My academic pursuits are spiritual pursuits, though I can't frame it that way within the academy. The following is how I am working to push forward the feminist movement.
Just as Marx (1967) believed industrialization’s substructure was seen as “creating an unnatural condition whereby all humans are prevented from realizing their fullest nature,” (p. 212) I believe shining a critical lens on mass media, more specifically popular culture, reveals many of those same demeaning, dehumanizing, unrealistic messages. As a scholar, I am highly intrigued by popular media’s depictions of women. These images, I argue, are hegemonic representations of an ideal female body, which is unrealistic and often unattainable. Judging by statistics that claim the average American woman watches four hours of television every day (Straubhaar & LaRose, 1999), and by the time the average woman reaches age 70, she will have spent the equivalent of seven to ten years watching television (Hammermeister, 2004, p.254), the overwhelming images of ideal female beauty on TV have potentially far-reaching consequences for women and men. Furthermore, according to Murray, Touyz, & Beumont (1996), 95% of women can recognize and identify the ideal body shape espoused by popular entertainment, and 92% feel the strong desire to conform to these unrealistic standards.
With this stated, throughout my studies as a graduate student, I aim to delve into the critical analysis of popular mass media as these media represent ideal female beauty, as well as the effect of ideal images on females’ perceptions of, and satisfaction with, their own bodies. In my opinion, taking an analytical approach to researching how social actors are affected by the hegemonic depictions of female beauty they are inundated with, in terms of the messages presented and the consumer’s sense of self and satisfaction with that self, is a vital step in the “revolution of consciousness” Frankfurt School theorists so passionately sought after.
In my eyes, emancipation and true freedom to live authentically chosen lives is possible when media consumers critically reflect on the ideology of mass media in shaping our understanding of “what exists, what is good, and what is possible” (Therborn, 1980, p.18). I am committed to the critical analysis of hegemonic female beauty as we are further flooded with mass media’s constant flow of information because I believe self reflection is the first step to EMPOWERMENT, the first step to realizing the unnatural conditions we are so often socialized to accept without questioning, the first step toward realizing our fullest nature.
In essence, I am driven by the belief that if we can spend less time worrying about ourselves and media’s standards of beauty we do not meet, we can contribute much more good to the world around us.
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